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1 0 Posts in perfectionism
August 12, 2013

Balanced on the Edge

Balanced on the Edge

You will always be too much of something for someone: too big, too loud, too soft, too edgy. If you round out your edges, you lose your edge.

~ Danielle LaPorte

I have never been excellent with boundaries. Maybe as a child no one told me no often enough, or I somehow missed the lesson that there were things I couldn’t at least try if not achieve. I have always figured that this somewhat contributed to my success in life – I have not been afraid to try things, to push forward, to test boundaries (mine and others). I have been lucky. I have continued to find my way down a successful path – one that has allowed me to have a comfortable life, personal success and more than I really ever asked for.

I have often approached life like a fitness pursuit. Always looking for the next level of my personal ability like a runner looks for better times or a weightlifter a new PR (personal record)

The two are not that different really – you work hard and continue to put new challenges in front of yourself to see if you can do better. If you run you can always run a little farther, tackle a hill, pick up your pace. CrossFit is built for this – there is always a heavier weight, a harder technique, another rep to add. Life is basically the same if you think about it. Continue reading…

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May 4, 2012

Laying Low

Laying Low

I am not a patient person when it comes to myself. This might be more true than ever when it comes to my body. Doctors in general are not exactly known for being the best patients, so perhaps this is where some part of my personality come together badly and definitely not for my own good.

Recently, running along the waterfront in Sydney, Australia, I felt a pang in my right calf. I stopped, rubbed it out, slowed down. After an ibuprofen and a long flight back to the US, it seemed fine. I ran on it the following week with the occasional twinge, but nothing horrible. Did some extra stretching, wore my newly beloved compression socks, and tried to suppress the thought that this thing kind of hurt and maybe I should pay attention to it.

Then I flew to Spain. Didn’t run the first couple of days, but when I did…oh…ouch! This time it was a deep pain that would not subside. It was with me the rest of the trip and was only minimally better when I arrived home. Of course (and feel free to quietly laugh to yourself if you have done this too), I chose to ignore this and run again the next day…

Bad idea. But you see the thing was that my 10 year old asked to run with me and he was so sweet and how could I resist. He was equally sweet when he asked if I wanted to lean on him on the way home.

The following morning the pain was still just as bad. Now I am worried.

I text a friend who is an internist: Do I need to worry about DVT?? Continue reading…

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February 6, 2012

Staying the Course

Staying the Course

Most people never run far enough on their first wind to find out they’ve got a second. 
~ William James

I broke my own running record yesterday.

Never mind how far I went or what the prior distance was. I finished the run quietly sitting at my friend Wendy’s kitchen table watching our kids play. It was Sunday morning. Friday night I had returned home very late from Cleveland, Saturday I was up at 5 to prep for each of my boys having separate sports tournaments in a city almost an hour away at different locations. Saturday night one at a slumber party, the other another social event. I was sweaty and tired – my day ahead involved laundry, errands, homework and a Super Bowl party. Monday was starting to look restful.

And quietly, I am smiling to myself because I just accomplished something – something just for me – in the midst of it all. I don’t need to share.

My life sometimes feels like a series of sprints and obstacle courses. I may not be a trained runner, but I am a trained mom, coach, chauffeur, business woman, traveler and friend. I am an endurance athlete in life. Continue reading…

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January 23, 2012

Looking at My Legs

Looking at My Legs

My very earliest internal conversations about taking up running started with a critical assessment of my legs. Specifically an assessment of my thighs.

I come from a long line of short (I am 5 feet tall), curvy (trust me) women. Growing up in coastal Southern California, where the ideal of beauty is 5 foot 7 and blonde with long lean legs, I always felt a bit cheated. Even as a kid I was pretty sure my lifetime would not see the rise of medical treatment to make me look like that.

Generally, I have never been over-critical of the way I look – but it has always seemed to me that regardless of my weight or fitness level my legs stubbornly stay attached to an extra layer of fat that I just cannot seem to rid myself of. I have spent countless hours over the years looking in the mirror and thinking “If only…”

To get an idea of how much I really dislike my thighs, I live in Southern California and I have not worn a pair of shorts outside of my house in recent memory. At least not if I thought anyone would see me.

Several months before my last birthday I was having one of these contemplative  moments in the mirror and I started bargaining with myself. I am bargaining about liposuction. The conversation sounds like this: Continue reading…

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January 22, 2012

Invisibility…and Other Superhero Powers I Lack

Invisibility…and Other Superhero Powers I Lack

Hey, come on. We’re superheroes. What could happen?

~ Mr. Incredible

I came into the office the other day to a rather unpleasant surprise.

Sitting at my desk I get a call form one of our customer service agents. They often call me with questions or simply to transfer a call…but not this time.

Dr Jacques, says the sweet voice of the young agent on the other end of the line.

Yes?

I think I saw you running yesterday.

Oh…uhm…where?

He identifies the spot of one of my regular routes. Yep, that was me. Ack. I am quiet just a moment too long.

You really didn’t look too bad, he says cheerfully. Anyway, just wanted to say I saw you.

And then I probably said something silly like you should wave next time – and I am grateful he can’t see the mortified look on my face. Maybe I’ll never run outside again. Maybe I’ll only do it at night? Do people run in disguise? Continue reading…

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December 26, 2011

Confessions of a Perfectionist

Confessions of a perfectionist.

It’s only a normal part of human behavior that we mostly like what we are naturally good at, and the better we get, the more more excel. I have had the fortune to be both lucky and good in many parts of my life – in fact, I have built an entire career around this.

While many people are happy with being good at what they do, I have always been a bit of a self-driven perfectionist.  If I examine my career, it has been propelled forward, in part, by my continual drive to get better at every process I touch – even when something is being done well, I want to do it better. I have also been very fortunate – having mostly designed by own job – that there are very few things I ever have to do that I don’t like. This is great for a perfectionist because it means that I don’t have to spend hours working tirelessly at things that I am not interested in.

Now for the confession.

Continue reading…

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